🛸 In Case of a Martian Invasion: Stock Up on Pistachio Butter (It Might Be the Only Thing That Saves You)

🛸 In Case of a Martian Invasion: Stock Up on Pistachio Butter

(It Might Be the Only Thing That Saves You)

So let’s say—purely hypothetical, of course—that Earth gets invaded by Martians. 🚨 Green guys. Flying saucers. Beams of light. General chaos. You know, the usual.

You run for cover, your phone’s dead, and your dog is wearing your last clean sock as a hat.

But then… a spaceship lands in your backyard. The door opens. A mysterious alien floats down, scans you head to toe, and speaks in a strange yet oddly charming accent:

“Do you… have the pistachio spread?”

😳

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Yes. This Is That Kind of Story.

Because according to absolutely no science, it’s very possible that our pistachio butter—especially the Cardamom Vanilla flavor—may be the only universally respected, intergalactic currency.

• Not gold.

• Not Bitcoin.

• Not even Costco memberships.

Pistachio butter.
Made on Earth.
Revered across the stars.

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Why Martians (and Humans) Love It:

🛸 It’s green.
💚 It’s organic and lactose-free (Martians have weird guts).
👽 It tastes like dessert, breakfast, and happiness in one spoon.
🌍 It’s stored in beautiful recyclable glass jars (Martians hate microplastics).

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You Think We're Joking?

Picture this:

"Take me to your leader."
“I don’t have one, but I do have this jar of Strawberry Vanilla Pistachio Butter.”
Alien quietly floats away with it. War averted.

Boom. Planet saved.

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Your Emergency Checklist:

✅ Flashlight
✅ Batteries
✅ Bottled water
✅ Extra socks
✅ 3 jars of pistachio butter (minimum)
✅ Practice saying “peace offering” in multiple tones

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So while we hope it doesn’t come to that…
If you hear a strange hum in the sky or your dog starts speaking fluent Martian?

Crack open a jar. You might just survive.
(And worst case? You’ll have a delicious snack.)

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Stay safe. Stay ready. Stay nutty. 🫙🌌